Jokeless

When it comes to classic comedies, 1995's Clueless doesn't have the reputation as a laugh riot that something like Caddyshack does. But it is still a comedy. Which means it's still ripe for an ad to ruin.

Cher: "I used to be pretty clueless about shopping."

This might seem cringe-inducing until you remember that the movie itself drops the word "clueless" in the dialogue at least three or four times. So it actually tracks.

Amber: "Among other things."
Cher: "Like when I heard I could save by getting cash back with Rakuten, I was like 'As if!' But then I was like, 'Ugh, why didn't I do this sooner?'"

I recently rewatched this movie and one of the key things you notice when you watch it is that its protagonist is actually pretty annoying. And if you think these lines are annoying coming out of a cute teenager, imagine how annoying they are coming out of a 46-year-old anti-vaxxer.

Cher: "You can get cash back on all the fashion, even your most capable outfits..."

I know "most capable outfit" is a specific reference to the movie because I've seen it in the last month, but that's a fairly deep cut IMO. This movie is nearly 28 years old. What percentage of people are going to get that? Okay I don't care anymore.

Cher: "...at your fave beauty stores - ooh, eye cream! Not that I need it."

"Not that I need it, because I got plastic surgery instead." (I have no idea if Alicia Silverstone actually got plastic surgery. Either way, she looks fine for 46, but 46 isn't even that old and also she definitely looks like she's in her mid-40s. Settle down. Do you think half the pitch for this ad was "We'll let you talk about how young you definitely still look?")

Cher: "And on pretty much whatever! Who put that there? In conclusion, you'd have to be butt-crazy to shop without Rakuten."
[class applauds]
Cher: "Cha-ching!"

"Butt-crazy" is of course a reference to the least weird part of Clueless, when Cher decides she wants to lose her virginity to her stepbrother. (Ironically this is probably the part of the movie that has aged the best, at least in terms of this country's porn preferences. Or so I hear.) It also seems notable that Paul Rudd also appeared in a Super Bowl ad in his capacity as a major Marvel superhero while Silverstone was relegated to playing the nearly three-decade-old hits.

Amber: "Um, hello, do I even get a rebuttal?"
Cher: "I'm sure it'd be... re-brutal."
Amber: "Whatever."

And that is the joke you get when ad writers can't just pull directly from the movie. (I don't remember that line in the movie anyway. If it was, probably the reason I forgot is because it is not funny and sucks.)

[Cher sits down]
Guy behind her: "Aren't you a little old for high school?"
Cher: "What?" *winks at camera*

Oh sorry, we had an even better joke to go out on! "What?" Classic comedy gold right there.

Nostalgia is always serious business - remember the period from about 1990 to 1996 when suddenly half the sitcoms from the 1950s and 1960s got modern updates? I suppose I should be glad that stuff like this is relegated to easily forgotten TV commercials and we're not getting, like, a $100 million Seinfeld movie starring Miles Teller as Jerry. But as someone for whom mid-90s references should be right in the sweet spot, I just find them tiresome. Hearing adult woman Alicia Silverstone rehash a bunch of old bits from her brief period as an it-girl isn't inherently funny and this ad is far too stiff to make them work beyond just "oh yeah, that was a line in that movie" recognition bingo. For the money Rakuten presumably spent hiring Silverstone and recreating her iconic wardrobe, they could potentially have written a real commercial that gets the message across even stronger. I'm sure the marketers have all kinds of data saying that "seeing a thing you've seen before" is a huge sales driver or it wouldn't be such a common tactic, but at the very least it would help if "thing I've seen before" was even a tiny bit funny or enjoyable to watch.